Semi-invisible

You see it on the billboards. It strikes you as you gawk at it from afar. You see it in the magazines, the movies, on TV screens. You can't escape it, it's everywhere. But hey, who's complaining? I'm not. I see it on campus. I see it on my way to class. I see it on my way back home. And even when I sit down and eat my lunch, it passes by me without saying a word, not even a wave. Beauty is all around us, and what inspired me to type the previous clump of words? Something that I happened to read in a book...

"Beauty is common. It's something you're either born with or you pay for."

There's always this time of the month when I realize something. Sure we realize things everyday, but this little thought just hits me. It moves me just because it's so damn true - There's a lot of beautiful people in this world, or to be more specific, in Ateneo. I have no clue as to what triggers this sudden blast of insight but if I were to guess, I would put my money on this one beautiful girl that I just happened to see while I'm walking.

Beauty turns heads. It fires up the imagination. It softens the heart. And it gets the blood flowing...erm. But what happens when we see it everyday, and everywhere? In ages past, beauty was as rare as a courteous jeepney driver. It was sought out for by noble knights and rich-ass landlords who've heard stories from distant travelers. Stories of a lady so fair that the dragons would succumb to her, that the flowers bloom wherever she walked. It was fought for, one man taking fists and blades just for that beauty. Wars were waged on beauty, which makes you wonder why someone would actually die for beauty. Think about Troy, were those soldiers happy that their lives were expensed just out of someone thinking they deserve Helen more? Or maybe they all really did love Helen that much to give her their lives? All possibilities...

Now, there are no knights, but there still some are rich-ass landlords looking for some booty. And while the number of beautiful people keep growing, they won't be satisfied. Worse if they were in Ateneo, where seeing beautiful people walk by isn't anything spectacular. Try sitting at secwalk for a couple of hours just for the heck of it, wait for the first bell and just sneak peeks at the people passing buy (you just don't want to be seen staring at people walking buy, because that would be a tad bit weird).

It just so happens that I drop by Gonzaga for lunch after my morning classes, usually taking it out to eat at the Cervini caf with my friends. Every single time, Gonzaga is packed, hot, and sweaty; people rubbing on people, money in hand, all lining up to get a bite to eat before class starts. And there I am, amidst that sea of those sweaty faces(including mine) lining up at Bento to get their styro-flavored food. Occasionally, there would be this insanely hot chic that would pass by. This was the kind that would turn heads and stop thought. During my freshman year, whenever this insanely hot chic passed by I'd be gahd daymmmm. I didn't literally say it, but yeah, you get the picture. But now, it's more of Oh take a look at her, yeah one CPA, please .

Sometimes, when I think about all the beautiful people here in this world, I consider myself lucky to be actually here, writing this blog. If my dad was just this guy hunting for his beauty-of-the-day, chances are I'd either be not here in this world at all, or be here by accident...both of which are not cool. Sometimes I wish I still had that disposition I had towards beauty - that it needed to be searched for. That I had to travel distant lands, brave the elements, slay dragons, and maybe befriend some dwarves to reach that fabled beauty. But most times, I feel that that beauty is right in front of me, sometimes even looking me in the eye, and the only one standing in my way to get to it is me. But that's another story...

A recent entry in my little journal, yeah I keep a little book as a journal....

July 13, 2008....5:30am

Nightmare

I had a dream today.

It was around noontime in my dream.

I was out at some mall. I was with my high school friends and we decided to go to this certain room. This room always had a locked door. Behind that door no one knew, but many suspected that treasures lay within. I saw many of my friends try to open it, but none of them could. I tried to open it and I succeeded, to their utter surprise. We quickly rushed inside the room, all happy. The room was orange and somewhat brown with big windows all over.

Two guards rushed in to arrest us, for a crime I don't know. One of my high school friends tried to go out through the window while we distracted the guards. I could hear the sirens and chaos outside when he opened a window. Funny the guards didn't hear it. My friend went out and slipped, but he recovered. I saw him move farther from where he started but he slipped again, and once again recovered. Things escalated and a fire started out of the chaos. That was the last time I saw of my friend. The rest of us moved outside the room and waited. We could hear radios and footsteps. I thought I should just kneel down and put my arms up, so I did. When the people came in, they weren't cops. They were masked men with AK's. They shot one of my friends, he was the nearest one to them. Then I heard more shots, then I found myself on the floor. I couldn't feel anything. I knew my friends were shot too. I heard two more shots. Then two more, which I felt. As soon as my breath gave out, I woke up.

It's about time we had internet at the new dorm. I've already lost count of all the times I've scratched my head at this dorm. To name a few, there's this huge column sticking out in my room that blocks the window-screen from opening. Some of the walls aren't even straight, and we only found out the water was unsafe for drinking a week after drinking it. Oh well.

Anyway, it's been a while since I updated my LJ - it's been two months X_X. So yeah. What's new?

Before last week, I couldn't remember the last time I cut my hair. But now, even I find hard to believe that I actually style my hair - which I used to hate ever since. I guess I figured a change wouldn't be so bad. Ok, what else do I type.

ACC20 LT1 here we go!!!

There was something different about this summer - that’s what I was thinking about when I was flying back to Manila for summer classes. Whew, summer classes? I never had summer classes before, well not in Springdale that’s for sure, but I suppose I don’t have any problem with them. I mean, they’re a lot more productive than bumming at home right? And my summer classes were only 3 hours a day, 9am to 12nn, not too bad I thought. I got the whole afternoon! Think of the possibilities! Yeah, I was thinking that for a while. I thought that I would have loads of time to lounge around Gateway, or play Dota at the dorm. For a while, I thought this was what summer could give me. But by the end of the sem, I left summer classes with something different, something more than what any mall could have given me, and a satisfaction far greater than what any Dota game could ever have produced.

From the other blogs, you may have heard about ITM14 section B, with Mr. Brian Balagot. If I remember correctly, I left off after the second long test and truth be told, the days following that long test have been the hardest couple of days in my stay in Ateneo. To make things worse - my camera fell, and the zoom is now malfunctioning. My whole world seem to fade out before me, as if I was trapped on ropes in the ring of life. So I did what I thought was the only thing that could help me keep myself together - I talked with my mom. We talked, and talked. And then, as if my all my frustration and regret finally were made manifest in one big storm inside me, I cried, and I was relieved.

I had a case study coming up and I had to keep myself together, if not for myself, but for my group. Our teacher giving us three long tests in a week seemed quite overwhelming, to the point where me and my groupmate’s spirits were at the brink of disappearing entirely. The case study was given on Friday, 9 am, and due the next day - Saturday at 9am. That meant no sleep, but the thought of the whole group camping out in a condo battling this beast heightened our spirits. I could only imagine if our teacher grouped us in two’s. There’s something about three that makes it the perfect number for a group, which kind of makes you think about the Holy Trinity, Frodo, Sam and Gollum, and Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli.

So there we were - Jed, Iggy, and I - locked up in one condo overnight without sleep battling the Pan de Seller beast. We weren’t thinking about getting the highest grade, or about how much we need to get to stay in ME, we were only thinking about one thing that - that we were going to slay this beast and sleep our asses off the next day. We talked. We googled. We laughed. We scratched our heads. And we debugged. And by 8:30 am, after 20 hours of pain, joy, laughter, and frustration, we sent the file. We walked out and saw the sun at 10am, “We actually got it. We did it,” I said.

“We did it,” Jed replied.

We got a 108 over a 100 on that one. And while I was relishing in this one small crack in my wall of frustration, Jed said something that made a lot of sense, “I wasn’t entirely surprised when I heard that we got 100, I kinda knew it by the time we finished it.” We deserved it, and that feeling - the feeling of having to actually fight like hell for something and get it brings a kind satisfaction that I’ve never felt before.

Suddenly, I could see a glimmer of hope in the midst of my melancholic class standing. I saw that I’m still in the game. From that point, every day in ITM class was a fight - a battle to get out of a D. But as I would later find out, it was a battle against my worse enemy - myself. I was battling against myself, against my laziness, against my complacency. I was battling to get the best out of myself. And if it weren’t for that night, perhaps by the time I had this battle, it would have already been too late.

The fourth long test went by quickly, but that was just the opening act for another Titan that had to be slain - the project. This was, as Mr. Balagot said, my “saving grace.” I knew I had to make this good, and I mean insanely good. So after asking for all the instructions from my groupmates - I started programming the foundation system code by myself one Saturday night. It was six in the evening. I fixed my notes well, turned up the radio, and programmed away. I was thinking that if we could do Pan de Seller in a day, we could sure as hell do this in two weeks. Sub after sub I typed then, finally, I finished at around one in the morning. That was the first version of Tito Burrito, our project.

It ended at 11:35 on a sunny Thursday morning in May. Our group had prevailed, as how Jed put it, what are the odds? Iggy came from a background of pure userforms from high school. As for me, I was making maps using Warcraft Worldedit which heavily influenced the way I think up programs. And Jed is just best damn complicator in the group, which is quite a compliment if you’re dealing with simulation games. I love this group, and I found such a wonderful side to groupworks that I never experienced to this scale - a shared triumph.

And now, after having closed another chapter in this crazy book of life, I write this on my bunk in a ferry on its way to Cebu, my home. I remember our teacher telling us, “Teaching intelligent people is not easy. You have to keep them from getting bored. And the easiest way to do that is to give them one hell of a time.”

It surprised me how much sense these set of words made to me right now. I asked myself how would I have been if I had been given an easier time. Would I be the same person typing this blog now? I figured no. No, because how can one improve if there is no challenge, if there is no hurdle to overcome? This made me glad that my teacher gave us hell, because our class fought and survived. I came out of that class with more than just programming skills, but with a deeper understanding of how’s it going to be in the future - life may beat the hell out of you, but that’s only a challenge.

Looking back, I remember telling Jed about my regrets about being in section B, but as the sem ended, I sincerely take back those words. I have no regrets.

The sea was pitch black that night, and the little, red cinders crumbling from the glowing cigarettes on deck trickled down into the water, looking like fireflies without wings. And as I stared into that hazy, yellow moon rising up on the shimmering horizon, I came to ponder on Rein’s reply to my previous blog, “dude its alright. i think this'll all be worth it, as cliche as that might sound.” So was it worth it? I think its safe to say, “Hell yeah.”

frustration |frəˈstrā sh ən|
noun
the feeling of being upset or annoyed, esp. because of inability to change or achieve something : I sometimes feel like screaming with frustration.
• an event or circumstance that causes one to have such a feeling : the inherent frustrations of assembly line work.
• the prevention of the progress, success, or fulfillment of something : the frustration of their wishes.



I am officially a frustrated student. I started the sem with more zeal and optimism than the last two other sems because I wanted this sem to be different, I wanted to see how much potential I have, and I planned to give my 101% this summer. I was thinking of getting at least B's or even higher, but alas, now that seems to be an impossibility.

I have two classes this summer - Fil 12 and ITM 14, both of which I am frustrated in. I give my all in my first ITM LT1 and get an F, my computer crashed in LT2 and I got the lowest in the class. What the hell is this? I am, I DEFINITELY AM feeling upset and annoyed especially because I was unable to achieve something. I put more effort, more time, and more patience in my work only to be thwarted by teachers or a weird computer bug. The world is indeed a vampire.

Going to Fil 12, I just had my 2nd LT today, and I don't want to predict what I'll get since I don't want to get my hopes up in case I get frustrated again by something that didn't go my way. But aside from the long test, I got my Fil paper and it was a C. And that's when the frustration which has been swelling up since the start in the deepest recesses of my consciousness finally broke out and was made manifest in this blog. I spent nights thinking about that paper and a whole day just to translate it. I really WORKED for that paper, and what do I get: a freaking "C". It even seems like I got the lower end of the percentile ranking in class, judging from all the C+'s and B's. Well fuck-doodle-do. Call me bitter, or whatever the hell you want to call me, but I deserve more than this C. My teacher said she'd judge it based on our background in Filipino. Oh really? Whatever, WHATEVER.

Words have yet to be invented to illustrate my feeling of frustration and disgust at seeing my score like that. And now, now, another fucking Fil paper. What's it gonna be this time? Another C? Perhaps a D now? Please....shove it up your ass.

Thank God it rained today, I needed the cool breeze now blowing at my back from the electric fan. I would've ranted more if it was a scorching day. Hope you had fun.

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" - Some T-Shirt

If I had a peso for each time I wanted a person to shut up, I'd probably be a millionaire with enough money and ass that I wouldn't even need to write blogs like these. But, alas, here I am, typing this up while I should've been reading Filipino or making my paper. It all seems so overwhelming, these summer classes, but what seems to be overwhelming as well are the number of people that can't get enough of themselves. For uniformity's sake we shall call upon Bill, a figure that popped in my head a couple of minutes ago, to represent this said class of person. And Bill is an asshole.

Not only does Bill blurt out comments that nobody really wants to hear, but he does it often too. Bill's comments are not funny. Bill's comments do not help. Bill's comments are pointless. What makes Bill more annoying is when he talks about something he knows jack shit about. Oh how many times have I wished Bill did a triple somersault and disappeared up his own ass? How many times have I wished to be evaporated whenever I saw him flapping his gums in my area? I don't know exactly, I must have lost count. Still, the fact remains that Bill...is....annoying, considerably.

I usually listen. I usually observe, and listen, due to one of my beliefs that this world would be a better place if everyone just took time to listen. A great number of people just need to shut the fuck up, and this world would be a better place.

Every now and then someone comes along just like Bill, throwing trash and talking cheap. Because sometimes, sometimes when you got a ton of work to do, the last thing you need is to hear Bill talking about how sloppy a job your doing. Bill keeps talking about how sloppy a job you're doing and leaves. Seriously Bill, just shut the fuck up. Wouldn't it be annoying too if Bill shared side comments while you're studying? Sure they would be welcome if they're funny. Thing is, Bill's not.

And you, yes you, don't grill me if you're Bill. Hell, I think we've all been Bill one time or another. So please, if you're offended by this, then you'd be a Bill that's easily offended and should just shut the fuck up too.



So there, I have to sleep now for a whole lot of work to do tomorrow and the following days. Craziest summer EVER. WTH.

First a short introduction to this series - The Pawning. I was playing DotA a couple of days ago and I realized something. I realized that in some version - I'm not quite sure exactly which version was it - had changed the word "pawned" to "pwned." The spelling, however, isn't as important as the word itself. And that word, namely "pawn", is vital in understanding what this series is all about, it would help to take a look at what being pwned really means. Unfortunately, pwn isn't in the dictionary, but as far as I know, pwned evolved from the word owned meaning to be someone elses property (probably a condensed expression for that video game phrase "all your base are belong to me"). So yeah, this series is about getting pawned, whether it be in life or in video games, whatever.

Episode 1: Pawned

I woke up this morning at 7 to the song playing on my cellphone. Salt, sweat, sugar was playing on my phone, and that's when I remembered that my I threw away my old Beatles wake up tune. So I got up, gathered some bread from the fridge and walked down to have them toasted. Mornings are usually the most serene part of my day, judging from the fact the most people are still asleep at 7. And while I'm toasting my three slices of bread, I wait. For five minutes I wait, or rather, think. It seems silence has his way of inspiring internal conversations, and I rarely get silence throughout the day, so I let him get the better of me that time. Five minutes I spent gazing out the window beside the toaster, thinking about today, tomorrow, and yesterday - that's when it hit me. Last night, what happened? Then, suddenly, a big flashing box with the words "ITM LONG TEST 2" snapped in my head. Following shortly after, were words marqueeing "pwned."

But hey, that's exactly what happened - I, along with most, if not all, my classmates, did get pwned, not only in the LT2, but in LT1 as well. As for me I landed with a so-so grade of an F+ in LT1, but that isn't so bad considering a class average of F. Talk about keeping up to par. Anyway, I found myself walking to class trying to convince myself that I actually like going to ITM14 class. I tried to view ITM class as a learning experience, a place for new things, but as I neared the door I realized that that had only been a mask for my true feelings for it - this class was, is, a nightmare. And upon opening the door to class and seeing my classmate's faces, they each had the same look I saw in the mirror this morning, the look of getting pwned and still having to go to class the next day.

Over the past three weeks, my attitude towards ITM has gone from glowing optimism and eagerness to utter hopelessness. In the start I hoped I'd have a wonderful time learning the in's and out's of excel and visual basic. From the start I've always had an affinity for computers - I even taught myself WorldEdit in my third year in high school. But, alas, this love for the subject betrayed me. Getting pwned in something I love hurts, almost like knowing you got pwned in your home court. And what stings the most is that I think our class is at the wrong end of the grade system. Other classes I've heard of had LT1 a day after our LT2, another class' average was either a B+ or an A. Some of my friends from other blocks also tell me about how crazy our class is, which really pisses me off because I don't want to be told how fucked up my situation is, since I know all too well already.

It doesn't seem fair does it - when the difference between an A and an F depended on a single click of a button at enlistment time? But, with much, much regret, I clicked the 9-1030 schedule and now here I stand before the possibility of two F's. If I had clicked the class next to mine, I might have been like them - sitting and enjoying an A, and that's before the curve. Why is it like this? Is it really fair? Well nothing really is fair is it?

Moving on - at Fil class. Despite my feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy, I still managed to have a few laughs. It's funny how we can still laugh at something that could mean me my shifting out of my course. I found this work of art on my desk. It appears that someone carved it there, and I think this work attempts to show my spirit in ITM14.

After the days when I thought I might run out of water from sweating, I finally felt that familiar cold drizzle spash down at my face. It hasn't rained in a while, and it couldn't have chosen a more suitable time - Labor Day. Years ago, I considered the thought of wishing for a holiday in summer to be outrageous, that Labor Day was just a so-so day of dota or what not. This Labor Day was different. With the cold rain still falling for the pavement, I just want to jump on my bed and doze off (which I'll do very soon) and forget the trials and tribulations of ITM 14.

Rest - something that everybody wants but always seems scarce due to the circumstances. But with the air damped with the fresh, cold rain and after a nice, tangy tin of pineapple-orage juice, I think I've found it today. I've been looking for it since the devastating ITM test results, and I haven't found it. Confusion crept up on my mind in those days of restlessness, I didn't have the drive to do anything - even go to judo practice. What's with the rain - what makes it so different? There seems to be something about the rain that's eternally bound to the image of cleansing. For some reason, the rain not only washed away the filth that populates the gutters, or the heat that seems fixed on its goal to have you submit, but it also washed away my restlessness. It had washed away my fatigue, and my worries. A pseudo-baptism of some sort, but in place of original sin, my uneasiness. If only it would rain more often, then I think I'd be more optimistic about the future.

Okay, so today started out all right, I wish I could say the same for the ending though. ITM class was a re-acquaintance with reality. The class average for the 1st LT was 15/40, an F. Shucks....Well, no use in dwelling in the past, more so when its a depressing past.

And I remembered I had to make a short Filipino paper using "masining paglalarawan." Due on wednesday. Filipino has always, and I mean always, been a subject I struggle in. I write down the words I don't understand at the back of the notebook. I find the meanings. And they slip out of my head as quickly as they slipped in. So for this paper, I resort to the method I've been using since 1st sem - write it in english, then translate.

I decided to do it on katipunan, so here it goes, first draft.....

Title: Just Passing By

The low, distant hum of a car approaching. The loud, stinging buzz of a passing tricycle. The myriad of notes that resonate from the jeepney's horn. The distinct tune of an ambulance rushing to a flickering candle. The gentle draft of cool air that caresses your face as a truck passes by, preceding the thick, gray, suffocating cloud of car exhaust right after. Miniature clouds of dust rise and fall, swirling along the streets, and shadows grow and shrink all in cadence with the sun's daily dance. Katipunan can truly be an interesting sight, when one takes the time to suck it in, and I don't mean the air.

Come morning time, when the sun is but climbing up the horizon, it paints a picture of itself as a gold coin, radiating with energy. It's tender, almond tinted rays strike the ground, concrete, and steel mixing with the colors and revealing a beauty of the street that many still remain blind to. The stores are still closed, sometimes preparing for the new day's joys and sorrows. McDonald's remains open, with customers coming and going like cars through a traffic light.

Two skywalks reach for the other side of the road, connecting the Ateneo to the variety of stalls residing along Katipunan avenue. Standing on the south skywalk, the roads to the city show themselves, as well as the distant yet faded image of skycrapers melding with the blue horizon. Rising up from the groud, billboards fill the view of onlookers as they gaze out from the skywalk. Billboards showing people. Billboards showing food. And billboards showing clothes, all trying to their best to attract some customers.

The descent from the south skywalk forks out to the north and to the south. Walking down the south descent, one sees Starbucks, Shakeys, and McDonalds after the corner. The dusty, sometimes smelly street winds down south to the Mini-stop, and farther off - the LRT station.

Walking down the north steps, Jollibee and National Bookstore greet the eye of whoever glances to the left. And if it had just rained, the tiny potholes along the road catch what little water is left after the rest get drained into the sewers. The water, still resting inside its own pothole, lies still while relfecting the clear sky above it. Looking to the east, across the road, the old trees along the fields of Ateneo still remain visible. Like pillars of time sticking out of the ground, the trees have many stories to tell if only they could speak.

Along the west side of Katipunan avenue lie the different stores of books, food, computers, and even coffee. And a number of these stores inhabit the gap between the south skywalk and the north. Walking past the cars, past the people walking in the other direction, past the kids asking for money, the towering blue north skywalk appears.

Standing on the second skywalk and gazing out north, one can the different street vendors doing what they do everyday, selling the same goods. The long, concrete road of Katipunan stretches out as far as the eye can see. Cars pass by under the bridge, always looking for somewhere to go. In the morning the sun's lemon light just reflects off the road from the east, showing its path through clouds of dust.

When the sun gets ready to return to the horizon, and sets to the west, the different buildings cast their long shadows, blocking the mild reddish-orange rays of the dying sun. The sun shares this red with its could neighbors to the west and both disappear once the sun is laid to rest. As sun's light dims away until it disappears completely, the lights of Katipunan take its place.

And after the dance of the shadows along Katipunan, when the sun finally settles down to rest for another day, the sleek, black blanket of the sky, along with its many holes - the stars - cover the vast expanse of the street. Twinkling, glowing, multiplying - the stars above try to count the little people moving along Katipunan, thinking its possible but losing count shortly after.

The soft, radiating glow of the sodium street lights beam across the long concrete road. The light permeates through the dust and shows the edge of the sidewalk along Katipunan. The stores, as well, light up their signs and the cars now pass by with trails of red from their bumper lights.

The yellow moon on the horizon, that had usurped the seat of the sun, grins at me as I stare out into the blackness mixed with red and yellow from the cars and trucks. The distant hum of the cars still sounding. The buzz of a speeding tricycle still stinging. The roar of a passing truck still deafening. The cool night breeze sweeping across my face. This is Katipunan, and we're all just passing by.

I dream...


To own a restaurant, preferably a small Italian one. :D

To go to the Vatican.

To throw a German stick hand grenade, like the ones in Medal of Honor.

To slay a dragon.

To be in a Class 3 zombie outbreak. I quote from the Zombie Survival Guide:

A true crisis. Class 3 outbreaks, more than any other, demonstrate the clear threat posed by the living dead. Zombies will number in the thousands, encompassing an area of several hundred miles...This is a full-blown battle, with law enforcement replaced by units of the regular military. A state of emergency will be declared for the infested zone, as well as the neighboring areas...Riots, looting, and widespread panic will add to their difficulties, further delaying an effective response. While this is happening, those living within the infested area will be at the mercy of the undead. Isolated, abandoned, and surrounded by ghouls, they will have only themselves to depend on.

To kill a zombie.

To go skydiving.

To sail around the world.

To be a dad, married of course. lol.

To be a super chef.

To be an astronaut.

To slay a vampire.

To make Metal Gear Rex/Ray

To be Solid Snake, or Naked Snake

To give someone a sho-ryu-ken.

To fire a chain gun.

so i moved out of livejournal and back in the same day! Ignore the last post. I'm staying at livejournal, ty for that comment rodney :))

On a sidenote. pag-tsor is bisaya (i think) for be sure. :))

moved to wordpress

http://mustkillzombies.wordpress.com

Originally, I had nothing to do this saturday. The night before, I was even planning on what to do tomorrow. Should I go to the mall, or go to the gym? Nah, 460 for some dota? Maybe. But anyway, I ended up on my friend's yacht this saturday, and it was an avalanche of laughs, craziness, and fun. As in! Hands down, most fun I had in my summer vacation. Here's how it went...

7:50am...

Okay, so the whole thing was gonna start at 8:00 a.m right. So I was a bit nervous that Jasmin(the one who owns the yacht, damnn gurl! haha) might get mad if I was late, judging by the text I got earlier in the morning (dns? -jas). I thought it could be translated as, "Where are you? You're supposed to be on the way now!" haha. Buuuut, upon my arrival I found out that I was the first one there! Anyway, I hung out at Jasmin's house and she uploaded Bust-a-Groove on my PSP. Snap!. And I kept myself busy with Street Fighter Alpha 3 and Bust-a-Groove. Okay, it was around 9 when the others arrived. Shortly after we jumped in the van...Nicole, Cara, Javy, Jasmin, Rizbelle, and I.


10am...

So were in the yacht now getting dizzy and nauseous resting in the lower deck. I was doing some magic tricks while Javy was trying to figure them out. Some people were getting hungry and some were taking pics already. But in around five minutes, the spaghetti and lechon manok was brought out and we started eating. Tasty food, I thought, can't wait to go swimming too. Swimming....I'm not much of a swimmer but it'll be fun. How was I supposed to know that I would have to swim with an empty water bottle stuck in my ass...how was I supposed to know how crazy it would be? hahaha

So the yacht dropped anchor and the life jackets and sunblock were brought out. Then we started swimming. Javy and Jim wanted to swim to the shore, and I joined them. So I floated on my life vest and paddled. Mid way, I got tired and headed back to the boat. So I kicked, I threw my arms on the water, and trying at least to move faster than a sea urchin. I finally made my way back to the boat, then Cara wanted to go to the shore too. So I started my kicking and throwing my arms again, and headed for the shore. I never reached it, by the way. I almost did....but turned back for a reason that I forgot. lol.

A couple of hours later, something peculiar happened - we noticed there wasn't enough drinks. Uh oh, we just had a couple of cokes, two bottles of water, and one can of pineapple juice (which I drank right after). So while thinking of a way to get some drinks, we played with ice. Yep, ice. That's when I realized how useful ice could be, you can rub it on your skin, rub it on your seat to cool it, step on it to cool your foot, let it sit on your head, let it melt in a bag so you can drink it later....the list goes on and on. Ice got a lot cooler then (o.o).

So0o. At around 2pm plus, we realized that we had to buy water, and the only way to get it was to swim ashore and go to a store (doi haha). So the girls got an empty water bottle and put 500 pesos inside for the guys to use to buy water. Five hundred pesos, three men, one quest. Kinda reminded me of Lord of the Rings, except it wasn't The Ring of Power that I was bearing, and it sure as hell wasn't on my finger. So I had to carry the money in the bottle, and the only way to do that was to stick it in my trunks so it won't float away. So there, I just shoved that thing right in there and started swimming.

We made it on shore and walked a bit to this store that sold water by the bottle. So we bought 23 bottles thinking that each person drank around 2 bottles. Okay, but when we were walking back, another problem arose: How do we bring these bottles back? We can't swim with them, so we hired this guy to bring us to the yacht in his bangka. We are geniuses. So anyway, the boys, LEFT FOR DEAD, return as heroes! =)) Ok, I couldn't resist that 300 quote. I'm so full of it x.x

And that pretty much sums up that day. But here are some highlights too:

"Men aren't supposed to care!" -Jas

Me: Knock, knock
Javy: Who's there?
Me: Interrupting cow
Javy: Interrupting co----
Me: Moo.

"Is there a mirror in your pants? Cus I can see myself in them" - crazy pickup line

So this is my first review on any video game, and I chose this particular game - Land of the Dead: The Road to Fiddler's Green, a first-person shooter zombie survival game - because I think this is one of the most underrated games out there. But first, I'd like to tell you about my criteria, cus we all have different standards for judging video games. But I'd just like to share something about one part of it. And that is...

Graphics. Graphics are usually the first aspect in video games that gamers pay attention to. Graphics are, of course, essential in developing the atmosphere in a game and giving that "Woah" factor. Look at Doom 3, now that's a great game, with great graphics. However, for my part, I don't pay too much attention to graphics in games. Why? Well, in the world we live in now, where something gets old after a year or so, graphics this year might be seen as SNES graphics 5 years from now. Okay that might be an exaggeration, but you get the point. I think this: what's the point of having good graphics if the gameplay sucks? Look at all the games that have "poor graphics" by today's standards, but are still timeless classics - Metal Gear Solid, Starcraft, Civilization III (yeah CivIV came out, but I'm still stuck to Civ III!), Metal Slug, Contra. As long as the game rocks, regardless of the graphics, then it'll live forever.

So back to the review.

I've been playing zombie games since I got my first PlayStation in 1998. I remember I got Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Resident Evil 2, and some other game. And from then on, I loved zombie games. Land of the Dead: RTFG is a zombie's game, as in this just captures the essence of zombie video games. If you read The Zombie Survival Guide, it can actually help! Fear factor, Satisfaction, and Humor, this game has it all!

I've always been skeptical about these game-movie tie-in's, much more if the game was in first-person. But as soon as I started playing, all that went right out the window and into a horde of zombies. After playing all those 3rd person zombie games, like the Resident Evil series, maybe Silent Hill (?), I found this 1st person perspective awesome. You couldn't see what was behind you! In 3rd person, you would know if a zombie is creeping up behind you, but in 1st person, you're only limited to what's in front and beside you. One time in the game, I came upon a shed with a tuned radio, so I stood there facing the radio listening to the news. Then, suddenly, as I turned around, this fat zombie was staring me right in the face! I literally shouted, it scared me to the bone. Usually when a zombie spawns right beside you leaving you with not enough time to react, they say "Ugh, this is stupid! *ctrl+alt+del*, but I pick up my shovel and start killing zombies. It was amazing!

Another strength of first-person is when you open doors. Usually you tend to look at the door when you open, as we do in real life. So I was trying to open this door, I went near it, and looked at it, pressed the use key, THEN THIS ZOMBIE JUST BREAKS THE DOOR FROM THE OTHER SIDE AND STARTS ATTACKING ME. Oh my god. This is just sick.

The fact that zombies here could spawn anywhere adds to the fear-factorness of the game. Another experience: I was walking around my house, then I went to look for some health packs, then as I was going down the stairs, I saw a zombie in my kitchen. ZOMG!@#. Where'd it come from? And talking about scary places, check out the cornfield stage.

(ZOMBIE 3 o'clock!, wait....you can't see them :->)

This game scared me to the bone. But aside from that, the fact that you can take on around four zombies with a fire axe can give some satisfaction if you just want to kill zombies (!!!). Or if you wanna go Rocky Balboa, shift to your fists and knock down those zombies. In the humor aspect, these zombies are the kind in "Night of the Living Dead" meaning they're STUPID and the humor would be in dying to their hands, or teeth. Charging into a pack of zombies with a shovel and trying to be Yu Law is pretty hilarious.

Shoot them and run the risk of not killing them all in one clip? Why waste ammo? Blades don't need reloading!
rating: TEN SKULLS!

Steps for getting the ideal playing atmosphere:
1. Watch "Night of the Living Dead"
2. wait till 2am, and turn off the lights, but leave a distant light on, preferrably somewhere down the hall. so you can imagine a zombie walking there.
3. Set for hardest difficulty
4. turn up the speakers. LOUD!
5. pause. check the place where you had the light on.
6. when the sun rises, SAVE and QUIT.
7. repeat till finished.

you can check out the gamespot review too: http://www.gamespot.com/pc/action/landofthedeadroadtofiddlersgreen/review.html?mode=gsreview

So I was skipping through channels in my TV, then I saw studio 23. I never watched Pinoy Big Brother, but I keep hearing it around today. I believe this was the Teen Edition, but what's the difference? Anyway, here's what I saw right there. I saw this guy watering plants for a full two minutes. Then he took around ten seconds to turn off the water. Then he took around five minutes to reel up the hose. Then another minute to yawn and exit to the living room. Shortly after there was another three minutes of a group of people sleeping on the couch. Then a couple of minutes of this girl walking around the house. In my humble opinion, THIS WAS THE MOST BORING PIECE OF "ENTERTAINMENT" I'VE EVER SEEN.

I almost couldn't believe it! People actually watch this show? Call me crazy but seriously, is watching a guy water some plants and people sleeping really that interesting? And the total absence of any music while these events were happening just made it seem more boring, not to mention longer. I think I would rather take a dump and I would be still be having more fun than watching this.

Yeah, maybe our country really just wants to see people on TV. Starstruck syndrome as they call it, like when someone sees an actor outside the screen, he or she goes bonkers and starts flipping out. Perhaps that's the reason for these boring scenes. That the point of PBB isn't the house or trying to stay in, but just showing your face on TV. Even if you lose, you're still going to be known as some who's been on the show. So its a win-win, popularity-wise. If you're in, you win.

I tried to watch Pinoy Big Brother a bit longer, but I soon gave up. I don't like the whole idea - a group of men and women, who hardly know each other, living in the same house? Sounds pretty promiscuous if you think about it. It's like Survivor without the surviving, and I'm talking about the immunity or luxury challenges there. Sure, the politics is still present in PBB, but that's cus our country just loves politics.

It sounds too easy. Just gather a group of good-looking teens, shove them in a house and let them be. Then wait for the revenue. Cha-ching! That's it? What a crazy world we're living in now...

As I was watching those scenes of that guy watering some plants and people sleeping, I had just realized that I had wasted maybe 15 minutes of my life when the commercial break came. It felt I could've have finished Titanic and still make it to the ending credits of PBB. This is horrible!

this was my En12 blog. check it out! :D

http://theevilcouncil.wordpress.com/author/denisandrewflores/

Some day in June at CTC-202…

2:30 P.M...

I sat down and looked around the room. Who are these people?! I glanced at the dude to my left. He was listening to his iPod, but I extended my hand anyway, "Denis..." "Rein," he answered and we shook hands. All right, at least I know one person here, let’s get to know more. Shortly after, the teacher had just figured out the seat plan. Rein was still to my left, but who was this dude to my right? "Hey, where you from?" I asked him.

 “Cebu,” he said.

“What?! I'm from Cebu!” I answered with as much surprise as delight, and we gave each other a high-5-hand-shake.

It’s so different meeting someone from your province in Manila, as if there’s this invisible bond even if you never knew each other. It's pretty funny how Cebu's such a small place and I never knew this guy. That guy was Jed, also known as Tito Domps, and both of these people would be my seat mates for the rest of the year. 

--end of flashback--

If I could list down my most memorable R49 moments, this little memory here would be some where at the top. But apart from that, the countless laughs I had in that block would be found all around that list, from the hilarious vandalism on the chairs, to conversations about Kung Pow!, to just about everything under the sun. It turns out there’s a funny side to everything, and I mean everything. As to vandalism, strangely enough, the chairs change places every week or so. Well maybe there’s some reason to it, but for my part, it’s hilarious. I get to see new works of art on my armrest almost every week.

Vandalism is just a gold mine of meaning. From what I learned in Lit class, this vandalism is just a form of expression, an representation and a re-presentation of society. Need a text mate!!! Text me at 0917-potanginamo. (Sure that’s not even 11 letters, but who cares?) I came across a lot of graffiti such as the one above, and they showed me just how creative and productive someone could get when they’re bored. Push button for free cut (drawing of a button). Occasionally, I come across something so profound and deep that I wonder whether the author really thought about it or just wrote some song lyric stuck in his head that time. But anyway, at end of the sem, R49 has to disband, but there’s just one thing that I can’t forget in that block. The one most memorable experience, without a doubt. And here it goes..

The first semester with En11 went by quickly enough, maybe because I was sleepy most of the time in class, or because we spent around half the sem going to Cubao for our magazine. BUT! The second semester, more importantly the second half of the second semester, was perhaps the most interesting and hilarious span of time in my freshman year.

After the argumentative research paper, we had our reflection paper writing module. Mmm, reflection papers, I suppose that would be more interesting than an argumentative research paper. That was an understatement, as I would later find out. So before the first blog was posted, Ma’am Doplon distributed the little stubs of paper with super hero code names for the commentators. I had never tried this kind of thing before, so I was as excited as a ninja turtle was for a pizza. I stuck my hand in and drew a stub of paper. Iron Man. Nice name, I thought. And then it all began. Yes I am Iron Man, ZOMG!! And yes Arthur, I’ve been listening to your death threats.

So then Sunday came along, the deadline for our first blog entries. The first topic was to do a profile of some guard at JSEC, Antonio Parnada. So we did our duty, I wrote about Mr. Parnada, and so did my fellow groupmates. Come Monday, the class discussed about the recently posted blog entries and I found myself talking about a certain controversial blog entry entitled, “The Guard and I.” I had previously read that entry and the more I read it, the more I realized that it needed improvement. But I had kept that to myself early on. Later that night, two new comments popped up on that blog, both praising him for job well done. Clearly, I had another thing to say. So the next night, I thought of a comment and posted it as Iron Man. A comment that would change the whole blog forever. That comment was the spark that would set the blog on fire.

From then on I lived two lives, Iron Man and me. And after that comment was posted, it caused an outrage. A flood of other comments followed through peaking at 38+, almost 5 times more than in the other entries. Negative criticism really is a big issue huh, even with the intention to improve. Commentators came to condemn Iron man, labeling him as incredible, er not credible. That he is living in a fantasy world, and that he is weak. One person, by the name Steel, even goes as far to call Iron Man an asshole and a terrorist. But, as some came to condemn him, some came to support him. Commentators came saying that he makes sense, and even adding their own opinion to the blog. Truth be told, I could not help but laugh after reading a transcript of the comments in this string. So we're arguing about the yeti now??

But, after a few days, the unthinkable happened. I believe it was a Wednesday when it did happen. The author of the blog gave a public apology to the class, telling them how pitiful Iron Man must be after reading his entry, “Nakakawa naman si Iron Man.” I listened intently then gave a look to my friend Shuma Gorath and chuckled. What a speech. Shortly after, the author tells us that the comments have been deleted. Now, I would have been really upset by this sudden, outrageous act of blatant censorship. Luckily, I saved a transcript of the whole thing in my computer (^_^), and would later re-post it in another blog, formerly know as ir0n-man.livejournal.com. I chuckled once again.

This little victory would be short lived, though. A few weeks ago, I received an email telling me that my Iron Man livejournal, which has been online for a couple of weeks already, has been permanently suspended because the authorities have received word that my account was “created for the sole purpose of harassing another person.” Well, I don’t know if criticizing is the same as harassing, but apparently they are to someone. WHO COULD HE BE? And in spite of the occasional death threats I hear in class about Iron Man, and the constant IP tracking (track track na kita!), I had a blast. I gave some negative comments on his blog, and now he’s giving me death threats?? This is priceless!

The sheer irony of this whole scenario was one of the reasons that fueled my enjoyment, despite the death threats. A person who is appalled by personal attacks/constructive criticism chooses to defame his commentator. A person who wants to be heard out advocates censorship. Isn’t that just absurd? It’s ridiculous.

So thus ends the tale of Iron Man, one of my most memorable R49 moments. R49 has really been the most interesting bunch of people I’ve been with. Hahaha awwww. And to end this grand finalé of a blog, I’ll try to make a list of my most memorable R49 moments, aside from the ones I mentioned earlier.

1. The Paracale presentations. (Rein???)
2. Jun Gonzalez.
3. The Hamlet presentations.
4. DEAR sessions.

hahaha I just saw this a while ago...cracked my guts open
girls, dont take this seriously! hahaha
Let:

G = girls
t = time
m = money

so we have the equation,
G = t * m
Note than time = money, then t =m, thus

G = m^2

Also note that money is the root of all evil, that is, m = √E, where E is an element of the set of all sins, denoted as {S}

Thus we have

G = (√E)^2
or G = E

Thus we have proven that girls are evil.

It all goes by so fast, one minute I'm at my bed in Cebu then next thing I know, I'm back at Ateneo. Four days didn't sound so fast, but it felt like it. Days seem to go by faster if your want them not to. I don't know, maybe it's just one of the ironies of life. Anyhoot, I'm back to reality, back to FINALS! I need a miracle score to get a B+ for my final math grade, but what are the chances of me getting 200/200. Might as well take it easy and relax. Ey?

Psychology of DOTA , this article was taken from Dota-Allstars forum and will make you laugh (or maybe even smile if you're not in the good mood). Just check what kind of DotA player you are!

The Chinese Gold Farmer

First of all, this guy probably got into DOTA from playing World of Warcraft and failing grades at school in order to play World of Warcraft. You will notice that whatever is happening whether your entire team is getting wiped out or your base is under attack, this guy will always do one thing.

Yep, that's farm up super-dooper-drop-your-pants-zomg-bbq items! Someone should tell him the game only lasts around 1 hour and after that everything he earns will be gone. Oh well I guess there's some sort of pleasure in amassing virtual goodies that don't exist in the real world. (PS. if you think I'm racist I'm Chinese myself.)

Strategy: Gank him. That's it. He'll be too busy pushing forward in the lane and won't be thinking about battles or ganks.

Preferred Heroes: Alchemist, Doom

The Wannabe Hero

Whether it be taking all the leavers items, farming up until late game and getting Beyond Godlike all of a sudden, or posting hundreds of replays on Dota-Allstars.com as hans2; this guy will go out of his way to get the phatest of lewt, highest amount of XP etc. He will probably not help you in a gank unless he's 100% sure he'll get a kill and make himself look good. Wait til late game and let him carry the team.

These guys could be a blessing come the 50th minute mark. Or if not then they're as useful to the team as 3 Lothar's Edge's on a Stealth Assassin.

Hey, what can I say? You play to win, you play to look good infront of everyone.

Strategy: Deny and harass until he gets pissed off and ragequits. If he stays then applaud the other players on his team and he'll also get pissed off.

Preferred Heroes: Clinkz, Clinkz, Clinkz, Naix

The Rambo

Ever seen guys who will rush into a fray of 5 enemy heroes and die and then start spamming words to the effect of "ZOMG NOOBS YOU DIDN'T HELP ME!!!! (Rambo has left the game). These guys have a seriously difficult time figuring out when a gank is coming, what minimap pings mean, why 5v1 is not odds to be proud of etc. My advice to these guys: "Stay the hell away from casinos." Often they're colorblind (I kid you not I got a friend on Bnet who is colorblind and gets confused when he sees the minimap) or they're still between being a noob and being an average player.

Strategy: Let him feed!

Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Bristleback

The Newbie

A newb and a noob are too different things. A newb is a new player who will contribute to the team and follow orders and generally ask question which will make him a better player. A noob is someone who has played for over a year and still get owned by everyone and spams in chat and ragequits after dying. Newbies should be treated with care and caressed... Maybe not caressed but you should all help these people out and give them pointers.

Strategy: Tell him that to win the game all you have to do is reach the enemy fountain. (I ain't joking, it's actually worked for me once. Yes, I am slightly sadistic.)

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper

The Silent Veteran

These are the ones to watch out for. During pre-game chat they'll say very little. After getting a triple kill they'll say nothing. Even after getting Beyond Godlike they still won't gloat or show off the fact. Why don't they speak much? Because they're so good that they're used to owning and also they're too jaded to speak to random people off the internet.

Strategy: Either run or gank.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Leader

Usually a player will start pinging ganks and typing "b" or "push" into team chat. These people are the leaders and generally have a good strategic look on things. Leaders are vital to victory during a game.

Either that or they're power tripping. You be the judge.

Strategy: If you find out who's calling the shots on the enemy team, gank him while a lone hero on your team does a blind push and then retreats. He'll be too busy typing and signalling for everyone to gank that he'll be vulnerable for about 5 seconds. And if you actually believe this piece of advice then I recommend also getting Agannim's Sceptre on Naix.

Preferred Heroes: Techies

The Quitter

These people are defeatist in nature. Your team may lose all its outer towers and one inner tower and these guys will be the first to say: "GG." They'll also be the first to quit after an entire lane full of rax has been owned. These people have lost the fight before it's even started so the best thing to do is to run back to fountain once they've just been owned and ragequitted. That way you can call first dibs on their nice items

Strategy: Gank him a few times and it'll be 4v5.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Never-Say-Die

Gotta love these guys. The exact opposite of the Quitter, these people will stay til the very bitter end and will often be seen defending the lone Throne all by himself against 5 enemy heroes. Give these people a compliment since they're a dying species. Heck give em a war medal since they probably fought in the trenches of World War 2 in a previous life.

Strategy: Poor lad. Go easy on him unless he's owning your entire team using the leavers items.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The 12-Year Old

"ROFL PWNED LMAO!" Yep, these kids have just hit puberty and have raging hormones. They should probably be venting this rage on Counter-Strike but here they are on Dota. During pre-game chat they'll be saying all the stupid goofy stuff. The good thing about kids is they're easy to own due to their slower brains and bad judgement.

Strategy: Do what I do in real life. Ignore little kids. There are more productive ways to spend your time.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Elitist

In every community, and the Dota community too, there will be elitists. These people look down on anyone slightly worse then them at Dota. They'll gaze at newbies with undisguised contempt and horde their knowledge from others like it's all they have. Elitists are everywhere and there's little you can do about them except get into name-calling competitions.

Strategy: Since elitists are a curse upon their own team, perhaps you should be encouraging him to further discourage his own team mates.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Coward

See trouble. Run to fountain.

These guys are as useful to your team as a chair is to a whale.

Need I say more?

Strategy: Gank them from behind. This confuses them as the fountain is also in the direction of danger for them.

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper, Clinkz

The Casual Player

In the pre-game chat these people will be like: "Hi, how are you guys?" and usually be ignored. In real life they are a father of three and has just gotten home from his day job to play Dota. What do you do about these guys? Well give them pointers so they don't get killed too often.

Strategy: If you are pro then simply kill them be also tell them why they died and what they did wrong so they can improve and get deeper into the game.

Preferred Heroes: Sniper

The Mathemetician

Asian Dota players are renowned for their maths skills and will often rush their first item known as the Abacus of Doom which gives +100 to intelligence. But since this doesn't exist in game they'll use their maths skills to own everyone. Before battles they'll calculate how much mana they need to do how much dmg over how much time. They'll consult their Orb stacking charts and crit probability statistics etc. and have a tiny shriek of joy for beating their personal best -cs.

My advice is stick near these guys as they seldom screw up. Unless they get ganked that is... or unless their mother starts yelling at them in real life to go study. In that case they feed.

Strategy: Things like crits and evasion are a bane to the Mathematician since that makes the equations less certain. But nothing is more dangerous to them then their high expectations parents. Now you study hard and become a lawyer ya' hear!

Preferred Heroes: Lion, Lina, Crystal Maiden, Zeus

The Partially AFK

While you're working your butt off trying to secure victory for your team, these guys are munching on chips and cutting their nails and glancing at the screen every so often. These people don't really care and just play Dota because they have nothing else to do. You'll notice them sitting in the fountain for around 10 minutes while they go take a dump. Luckily these people are a dying breed since Banlists and ivory poaching is making them extinct.

Strategy: Pfffft.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Know-nothing Know-it-all

"STFU NOOB. I know what I'm doing. Dagon on Juggernaught is the way to go."

Ok so they managed to own a noob using their lame build and from then on they stuck to it. No matter what you do, they'll still stick to their original decision and get their Agannim's Sceptre for Phantom Assassin or Eul's for Naix.

Strategy: Tell them that getting the Dagon for Juggernaught was a nice idea and also tell them they should get a Mystic Staff so they can spam Dagon.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Donald Trump

"Lol I killed you dude." "BANNED!"

These guys have one rule that they follow: "Anyone piss you off, then omgz0r BANNED!!!!!!"

Why? Because Donald Trump plays Dota and there's no such thing as a FiredList. (Rosie_ODonnell has been banned for verbal abuse).

Strategy: Creating Bnet accounts > Banlist.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Unaware

So you just got ganked by 2 enemy heroes while your ally is beside you creeping. They still don't know what happened. These players will frustrate you to no end. Their slow reflexes mixed with their lack of sight makes them a major liability.

Strategy: Blinks and stuns. They won't know what's going on.

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Backdoor Bandit

Unlike normal Dota players, these guys are sneaky as hell. They'll wait for everyone on the enemy team to pick heroes before they pick so that they can choose a hero that counters all of them. While you guys are ganking, he'll sneak up on your towers and rax and own them with no resistance. You'll barely see him all game but by the time you do he's amassed a vast fortune, hasn't died at all and has owned the majority of your rax.

The fact is that these people are cowards. Cowards that are highly intelligent! (OMG NO!). And that mix by itself is dangerous.

One day you'll be off going to work with a family and kids by your side. The next day you'll come home and find the Backdoor Bandit has married your wife, your kids are calling him dad and somehow he's managed to get the lease on your house leaving you in the gutter with nothing. Sneaky bastards...

Strategy: Boots of Travel asap!

Preferred Heroes: Gondar, Clinkz, Stealth Assassin, Furion, Tinker

The Team Member

We love these guys. They will be the first to get wards, help in ganks, get gems, follow instructions and the like. They'll get an average score but will fetch and sit and keep your feet warm on lonely nights.

Strategy: They need to be killed off quickly and repeatedly so that your Stealth Assassin and your Clinkz can both run around and cause havoc.

Preferred Heroes: Treant, Tide, Keeper

The Pitbull

As soon as they hit lvl 6, bam, it's hero killing time for them. Farming is for wusses. They'll either get first blood or be first blood and will typically go with heroes like Pudge and Balanar. Their ultra aggression mixed with their confidence makes them dangerous. If you ever end up in prison and sharing a cell with these guys then be prepared to have a new boyfriend.

Strategy: Run to fountain with 10 HP left. Pitbull chases and kills you. Towers own Pitbull. You'll give him a hearty LOL. Afterwards he'll say it was definitely worth it.

Preferred Heroes: Balanar, Pudge, Juggernaught

The Hax0r

Hax0rs play for one reason only. To win no matter the cost whether it be their Bnet account... or their Soul! They are ungankable, know when to attack rax, will farm none stop until they are forced to retreat and will hunt you down while you are neutral creeping. But remember that deep down inside they just crave a bit of happiness which is missing in their life. Awwwwwww grouphug.

Strategy: Don't pick invisible heroes as they're useless against the Hax0r. It's a never-ending war between the Trumps and the Hax0r so leave them be.

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Nevermore, Zeus, Nerubian, Furion

The Guide-Freak

After reading one strategy guide, they'll follow it to the letter. On the plus side this means that they'll be highly methodical and will usually make all the right decisions regarding purchasing items. On the downside they have zero flexibility and creativity. Might as well slap in a couple of AI opponents instead.

Beware if you choose one of their heroes and don't go by their strategy guide though. They'll start acting self-righteous.

Strategy: Take an educated guess what build they're going to create (won't be hard.) Then counter it!

Preferred Heroes: Any

The Micromanager

With barely 100 HP left, they'll manage their hero so well they'll escape a gank, end up with a kill, return to fountain and still have enough time to do the laundry. These people will almost always get a chicken at the start which will become their secretary and manage their appointments for them while they calculate how much mana the enemy needs to kill them while they're leeching XP with only 20 HP left beside the tower.

But the scariest ability of these people above all is that they can rub their stomach while rubbing their head and counting backwards in odd numbers from 100.

Strategy: Any invisible heroes should foil their dastardly plans.

Preferred Heroes: Meepo, Chen, Chrow, Furion, Keeper of the Light

The Role Player

In all your time playing Dota you might only see one of these guys. They are as rare as a dark albino. Also they're are as scary as one... Here's your basic conversation with a Role Player:

RolePlayer: Hush... I fear the enemies draw near these woods. A fell voice is heard in the air.
Player: OMG don't just stand there help me!
Enemy has owned Player's head for 275 gold!
Enemy has owned RolePlayer's head for 280 gold!
Enemy has just got a Double Kill!
RolePlayer: It is a dark day indeed. We have been vanquished but our souls will take their vengeance!
Player has left the game.

Oh and I often enjoy taking on this persona when I'm drunk. When I'm sober I'll watch the replay for some laughs.

Strategy: Since they're too busy typing to do much of anything, just kill them.

Preferred Heroes: Drow, Priestess of the Moon, Luna and any other Elvish based heroes.

The Afraid-to-Die

Sort of like the coward however with less running. Once again these people do little good for the team. However they do make good tanks late game as their usual item build is along the lines of: Vanguard, Aegis, Mek, Heart, Boots, Perserverance.

Can they get any kills? No. Can they survive getting ganked? No. Do they ever need to go back to fountain to heal? No.

Strategy: Most people don't realize that regeneration doesn't help much during battles since a battle is over in about 4 seconds. In that 4 seconds you might of gained about 40 HP from spending thousands of gold on regen items. Big whoop...

Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Tiny, Tide, Abaddon, Omniknight

The Over-Achiever

Usually these guys will fight an enemy until the enemy is down to 20 HP, at that point the enemy will start running back to fountain. Overachievers will pursue them and put everything on the line in order to catch their target. These are the guys who will run into the enemy fountain for that last hit and subsequently get totally ripped up. Their scores will usually be along the lines of 12-12 since for every kill they make they will also get killed.

Strategy: Bait bait bait!

Preferred Heroes: Spectre, Phantom Assassin, Rikimaru, Antimage

The Boba Fett

Just like Boba Fett, these players use lots of gadgets that make us go: "WTF?!" when they're used in battle. You'll be hitting these guys and they'll almost be dead and all of a sudden they'll go Mekansm, Manta Style, Hex, Dagon and own you up. Then when your allies arrive to try to finish him he'll go Blink Dagger, Lothar's Edge and then Boots of Travel back to fountain or something to that effect. If you've ever seen someone all of a sudden activate a Necronomicon in a pub game you know what I'm talking about.

Next thing you know they'll be flying around with a jetpack firing lasers at everyone.

Strategy: Be ready for the unexpected.

Preferred Heroes: Tinker, Techies, Inspector Gadget

The Assassin

If you are against these types of guys, RUN. These guys are gank leaders and some also fall into the Pitbull category. They have a strategic outlook on everything and use all their cunning and wisdom to demolish the enemy team because they know what works and what doesn't. They have a tendancy to be the guy that says the battle plan and the first to ping at the enemy. Silently they move in the shadows helping there team approach and assasinate you. After they are done, they tend to say little and frantically try to stop a push, organize another gank without acknowledging there heroic feat, if it is destroying the matrix or defeating the whole team by themselves.

Strategy: Get a backup plan to escape eg. Blink Dagger or Lothars Edge.

Preferred Heroes: Morphling, Vengeful Spirit, Furion, Spirit Breaker, Queen of Pain, Phantom Assassin, Gondar

The Mystic

These are the guys that will look for an illusion rune, pick it and fool you into thinking that the illusion is them and unload all your beautiful spells on the illusion. After that, theyll most likely come with a companion but sometimes prefer to come alone.

And the next moment you know, your HP is down to half, you have no mana, no spells to use and youre slowed to half! but wait thats not all of it. They also have a high sense of organisation, so your teammates will come to help only to realise that it was in fact an ILLUSION of the companion, that the mystic moved out of line of sight under your panic and replaced himself with an illusion... which in turn causes your friends to unleash hell on the illusions.

Next, the mystic and his companion (the companion is most likely an objective guy that follows orders, a team member and likely irl friend of the mystic, since mystics need a high level of competence and trust from their companions) ambush you, kill one guy with attacks and unleash their spells on the next. They run back, into thinking you can kill them, and then youre hit by an epicenter. Needless to say, these foes are hard to defeat, as they are usually very creative with everything from gameplay to items. No matter what you do, sometimes it seems you can never overcome them... mercifully, they are extremely rare

Strategy: Use observer wards to detect his plans. Disable him as this will piss him off, since it hinders him from performing the plan. Theres not much more to do other than be very, very careful, and perhaps pray youve got a Mystic of your own of higher quality than theirs.

Prefered Heroes: Morphling, PA and all those sneaky heroes and illusion bastards.

The Loyal Tiger

These guys are so nice to have as a mate that they could sell themselves on a market, kill their owner, come off with a good reputation and steal their own mother's secret pizza stack right before their eyes and be ignored. Fear em, I tell ya.

Ever seen someone stuck to someone else so much as to make it seem like the two are chained together invisibly? then one of them is likely a loyal tiger.

They generally perform commands unquestionably and ask for guidance. All of them perform commands with a startling efficiency and letter-following.

If you are turned into Ye Ol' Flander's BBQ Sauce by a pair of players all the time, you know for certainty that one of them is a tiger. Generally, they are quite cruel to their enemies, playing with them like hapless fatasses (no offense to you, fatasses) before ending their life very quickly.

Dont piss these guys off, because their motivation, will and energy has no limit. If they get owned, theyll own you next time, and if they dont, they will for sure own you next time. And if they after all dont, theyll go out of their way to antagonise you and come out alive.

Strategy: Kill the tiger's ''handler'', this will make the tiger's actions count for little. The handler will often play a more laid-back hero such as Furion, so its quite easy to detect. Make them think you are no match for him until its too late for him and youve won by pushing. If you are ever targeted by one of these, try to come of alive. Dont try to kill the tiger because you cant do it...

Prefered Heroes: Ursa, Strygeryger (aka. Strygwyr, but my mate calls him that tongue.gif), Razor, Balanar and many of those powerhouse-type heroes.

The Retard

''OMGGG Y U KILL ME LOL OMFG IMBAAAAA I REPORT TO BLZARD WTFLOL''
''... I beat you fair and square, but 4 MKB recipes dont do shit''
''LOL NOOB!!! MKB BEST ITEM IN DOTA NOOB!! STFUNOOB L2P!!!!! BAN FOR BE NOOB''
''whatever''

After that, theyll continue getting raped with you likely not even using everything youve got and not going below 2/3 your HP. These people usually arent very skilled at understanding things, have no skills, judgement, anticipation and no you-name-it at all.

.... But well, if theres one thing they have its a reserved front-page spot in the newspaper for showing ''this is exactly what the human race cannot go back into being'' by the local science magazine.

Strategy: Just continue to feed of them, theyll eventually get so pissed off that theyll spew out racism and leave.

Telling him that dropping a Divine Rapier in front of one of your towers is an alternative, much easier way to win might actually work too, as these guys dont really care about having fun as long as they win and get to trash talk about it.

Prefered Heroes: Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz Clinkz

The Consumer

Whether it be mass tangos, clarities, town portals, chickens or other crap that doesn't last very long, these guys will hoard these items like they're expecting a nuclear holocoust. Consumers seem to have little regard for long term reward and high regard for short term ownage.

Just when you think you're about to kill one of them suddenly they activate their empty bottle twice in a row, turn around, chew on a tango and then proceed to beat your ass into the ground. And then their chicken will come along and Dagon you.

Strategy: Make sure you can hit them when they're activiting their potions to cancel. Or just wait until late game and laugh and their consumable items.

Preferred Heroes: all

The Jackass

Obviously these guys don't play Dota to win. No no, they play Dota to be totally ridiculous. You'll often find these people eating their way into the enemy fountain using tangos, dropping a chicken there and then teleporting their entire team in and ganking the leavers.

Ever chased someone who keeps running back and forth towards you and back in such an unpredictable but dangerous manner that you can't hit them? Well it's called juking and these guys would risk juking themselves to death just for a laugh.

They'll go out of their way to refill that empty bottle at the enemy fountain or using Swap to get you onto a ledge you can't escape.

Strategy: none really since they'll usually get themselves killed in the process of having a laugh.

Preferred Heroes: Vengeful Spirit, Queen of Pain, Anti Mage.

The Support Player

The support player... He'll be Omniknight, Chen or Abaddon, and use his heals on his lane-mates. He'll start the game with a chicken, make it into a Crow and then proceed to share control with his allies so they can use the Crow as well. He never solos, and always tries to get in a lane with an ally so he can buy 2 Flasks, or a few sets of Tangos, and always lend his RoR to the ally in his lane, to keep his teammate's HP full. He's such a good support hero that he knows how to 'rally point' his Crow, and send it to the team's soloing hero with a flask of saphire water, then returning the crow back to base ready to buy a new flask for any ally who needs the next heal.

Ever been in a situation where you're killing someone in a 1v1 situation and they're almost dead and boom! Omniknight rushes in and heals him and they proceed to totally kick your ass into the ground. Well thats what these guys do.

Strategy: gank em, that'll teach em to help their team!

Preferred Heroes: Omniknight, Chen, Abaddon, Pudge, Treant

The Overlord

Ok so you're minding your own business farming and all of a sudden BAM! You're attacked by what seems to be a whole freakin army of summoned minions. Chen is hitting you with the aide of centaurs and satyrs and you're completely overwhelmed.

These guys will bring their entire family to pwn you from their uncles to their grandmothers and before you know it you'll see an Orc Barracks actually churning out units while you're trying to rax it!

Strategy: AoE on their asses!

Preferred Heroes: Chen, Dirge, Furion, Keeper of the Light, Naga Siren

The Pub Pro

A very rare breed, simply because they are one of the few that first started playing dota an eternity ago.

These guys are so experienced, they kick your ass whenever, wherever, with any hero (even KOTL)... But only if they feel like it. One of the defining characteristics of the Pub Pro is laziness. This is obvious because they never graduated to league play or high level play simply because last hitting takes way too much effort, something key to succeeding in high level play. They know everything. Team strat, item strat, skill strat. They'll immediately fill the role that gets rid of weaknesses on the team, pretty much by instinct- whether a massive farmer, hero killer or supporter. They take on many of the dota player forms, which makes it hard to know when you've come across them.

Strategy: Take out a can of Whoop Ass (if said can does not exist then hope for feeders).

Preferred hero: Doesnt matter.

The Dual Bracer Idiot

Start game. Buy two bracers. Repeat for every single game.

Also known as the Quad Circlet Hobo or the Mass Branch Bandit.

Be careful or else they will jump out at you with +8 DAMAGE!

Strategy: Beware early to mid game!

Preferred Heroes: Any